A Captured Memory
by grassysvu67
Summary: Rafael struggles to deal with the two year anniversary of his grandmother's death. This was written for The Barson Daily's Writing Drabbles Prompts on Tumblr. The word was photograph for this challenge.


The apartment was quiet, Liv and Noah retreating to bed earlier in the night. Rafael found himself alone with a glass of scotch, an old photograph, a rosary, and his thoughts. He can't believe she has been gone for two years already. His abuelita, the woman who believed in him even when he didn't always believe in himself. The woman who always offered him a safe place when things got rough at home. The woman who accepted who he was unconditionally and just wanted him to be happy and loved. Losing her felt like someone ripped out a piece of his heart. She always told him that she was proud of him and he was the best grandson she could ask for, but many times in the past two years he doubts it.

He wondered if maybe he should have done things differently. Maybe he should have listened to his mother for once. He hoped that Abuelita knew he just wanted to do what was best for her. He would have given his own life for her to make her healthy and happy again. Sometimes he takes comfort in knowing that Abuelita is back with the love her life. Rafael always loved to listen to Abuelita and his abuelo talk about how they met as teenagers in Havana and then fled to America together.

He also remembered Abuelita talking about the first time she held him in her arms. She would always say, _"Mijo, I knew you were going to be strong, smart, and handsome like your Abuelo. I knew the moment your mother let me hold you, that I loved you with every ounce of my being."_

Rafael let out a heavy sigh and took a swig of his scotch. He looked down at the photograph he was holding and smiled. It was Abuelita and him the day he graduated Harvard Law. If he had to pick, this would be his favorite picture of the two them. He kept it in his office when he took the ADA job in Brooklyn and it was the first thing he put on his desk in Manhattan. But lately he carried it with him in his briefcase. It helped keep her memory close to him. He wondered what she would say about his relationship with Olivia. He was positive she would adore Liv after all, Liv was the one who made him the happiest he's ever felt. He knew Abuelita would fall in love with Noah. Noah was really a sweet loving little boy.

Rafael studied the photograph and his mind started to drift back to the last time they talked.

 _"_ _Rafi, mijo, why are we doing this? I am fine right where I am."_

 _"_ _Abuelita, Mami and I are worried about you being alone. What if you fall and break your hip? You already hurt yourself and ended up in the hospital."_

 _"_ _I'm fine. I'll be fine. Please. And if it's my time, it's my time. I'll be with your Abuelo again."_

 _Rafael bristled, "Abuelita. Don't talk like that! It's not your time. Come on!"_

 _"_ _Rafi my dear, we all can't live forever. You know this. I love you always."_

 _"_ _Sí. I love you too, Abuelita."_

Rafael set the glass down and picked up the rosary. He has been hers. He had asked his mother specifically for it after the funeral. He ran his thumb over the wooden cross and took a shaky breath. He knew he was on the verge of tears and was grateful for the time alone. He didn't want Liv to see him cry or Noah, it would only upset the little boy who Rafael loved so much. He wanted to protect his new found family. He felt the need to protect his family from this. This was his grief alone. He didn't want to burden Olivia.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to steady his breathing. But he couldn't fight it, Rafael began to cry. Even though it was two years to the day he lost her, it felt like it was happening all over again. The guilt and blame began to creep in. He felt like he failed her. His soft cries turned into sobs as he held his head in his hand as the rosary beads pressed into his forehead. "I'm so sorry Abuelita. I'm so sorry. I let you down. You needed me and I failed as your grandson," Rafael whispered through his tears.

Rafael didn't know when Olivia had joined him on the couch or when she even wrapped her arms around him. She didn't say a word, she held him close to her as he grieved for his grandmother.

After awhile, Olivia leaned her head against his as Rafael let out a sad sigh, "It's going to be okay, Rafael. You're going to be okay."

"I failed her, Liv."

"You can't go down that rabbit hole. You will only cause yourself more pain. She loved you so much. You were her world."

"I miss her so much," Rafael sounded broken and vulnerable in a way, Olivia had only seen twice before, after she was taken hostage in the townhouse last year, and the night his Abuelita died.

"I know," Olivia whispered.

"Does the pain ever ago away?"

"It doesn't but you learn to manage it. And you don't have to do this alone. I'm here."


End file.
